Oh how I wish I was more sanctified. More Christ-like. More filled with the fruit of the spirit...particularly patience.
Sometimes I think I just can't wait another day in this gut wrenching process. But the truth is, I already have. It's been a very long time. And it will be a longer time still.
And God's grace is sufficient. Somehow, He's brought me along. I don't think I'm a poster child for waiting by any means, and I still have a great longing to be FINISHED with this whole thing.
His ways are higher than my ways.
There's an anchor for my soul, though my heart and flesh may fail.
I totally understand that phrase....my heart is soooo sad. My sorrow is very real. To the point of just sick. Physically ill. But at the same time, that still small voice whispers promises into my heart. He has a reason. I'm trusting Him. And when you follow God, it's not always cushy safe.
"Safe? … Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King."
--Beaver in The Lion, The Witch, & The Wardrobe
3 comments:
I feel your pain sister. Last week was REALLY ROUGH for me. Thankfully His word has been like a healing balm to my heart. I feel better today, but I know my flesh will probably fail me again. I just keep trusting and praying and know that I am being refined.
It's a beautiful thing to know that the passion and love you have, that brings you to such heartbreak, is EXACTLY the same passion and love God has placed in your heart to make you the only person on earth who could be Joshuas forever Mom.
Embrace the emotions that He has given you for your son. It will bring you to a place of loving and living deeper then you could have ever imagined. As much as it hurts now is nearly equal to the great joy and awe the future holds for you when he will one day be in your arms~ and then he will remain there forever.
Our hearts ache with you as you wait.
Much love,
Angela
PS~ I think sometimes about how much we ache to be together with our children and wonder if that is how it feels for God to wait on our home coming, when we can spend forever with Him!
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