Catching My Breath

So, October is coming to a swift end. It has taken me exactly 2 weeks to catch up from our adventure of meeting our son.

In many ways, I'm no longer the same person.

In some ways, that's GREAT. God has been sweet and merciful and taught me to pray during these weeks. I just thought I knew how to pray, really. And though, if you were a fly on the wall, you'd probably turn your nose up at such a pathetic attempt that I give, you wouldn't doubt my sincerity. I am praying desperately. It's become such a habit for me to just continually pray. If I think of him, I pray. So, I pray a lot. It can be quiet, it can be loud, it can be on my knees fervant, or walking on the treadmill, looking at the sky, as if I were right in HIS throne room, or just a holy pestering. He told me to knock. So, I'm knock, knock, knocking.

That's been wonderful, because my comfort comes in His word and knowing Him so sweetly. When I start to get a panicky feeling, I just run to my Bible.

But, in some ways, it's not so good. The part where I look into the mirror. Something happened to me when I got back. I don't know really how to describe it. But, I can't hardly stand to look at myself in a mirror. I can VERY visibly see something missing. An emptiness to my eyes. I can smile, I can laugh...but when I look close...it's just not right. God has made me a wife and a mother, and though I know my ultimate identity is in Christ alone, He created me for this. And my family is simply incomplete. And it shows in my eyes.

My hope and my joy, though, is one day...one wonderful day, very soon, that "distant" look in my eyes will be fulfilled...when there is no more distance between my youngest and myself. God did a beautiful thing with us. Our bonding was immediate and sure.

So, we've been moving back into "normal" (whatever that is) around here. We accomplished a full day of school without skipping anything today. A good sign, for a Monday. We've been enjoying our children with visits to apple orchards and watching Toy Story in 3D, and a lot of cozy staying in and watching movies and reading books while we attempt to avoid the H1N1 flu.

As for the adoption, we are currently dealing with our DNA test order. Just got the receipts in the mail today, so I've put in an email to figure out what whether I need to fax the receipts or mail them to Haiti. Either way, it's another step that's about to be finished. I'm thankful. We're still barreling forward as far as I can tell, and there are MANY people lifting our case up in prayer....we want him home by Christmas! We were also gifted a large sum of money to cover the DNA test and our hefty phone bill that we racked up while we were in Haiti. God is generous, and His people are generous!

So, here's to a normal Monday. God reigns.