I have a new "dealing" system that I've implemented to help me through. I rate my days. 1-5 scale, 1 being HORRIBLE and 5 being SUPERB, as we wait.
Anyone who's ever been there knows how fast you can drop from a 4 (dealing, coping, and having a decent day) to a 2. If I look outside myself, even, and watch my behavior, I'm like, WHOA! Where'd this come from???
So, last night, I had a drop. Kind of like a drop in your blood sugar, except it's total emotional eclipse. I couldn't even TALK to Steve about it. So, I decided that I needed to do some shopping and be alone. Some alone time. Deal with the anger, frustration, and sadness, somehow. Somehow, handle the moment, until it passed.
He totally understood and sent me on my way. And it was what I needed. I spent some time listening to pointless music, letting my brain go nowhere. I shopped. I refocused on other things. But, then I turned on the good music. And Blessed Be Your Name came on. And I prayed.
I want to walk this road well.
And I'm so thankful that whatever happens this side of heaven...this is the worst it will be for me. I face no future wrath. It was poured out on my Christ. I can go to Him, even when my day is a 2. Or a 1. Or in the negative.
I'm so thankful to serve a Holy, Good God. Dangerous, but good.
Happy 20 Month Birthday, Joshua!
Happy Recital Day, Daniel!!!
My parents are coming this morning!
Today is shaping up to be a 5!
2 comments:
May God bless you with MANY 5's!
Alone time can be such a blessing so I'm glad you were able to have some. Sometimes knowing we serve a wonderful and sovereign God is what it takes to pull us through. I continue to pray!
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