A Heart To Heart...

One of the first things I would like to address doesn't involve anyone who reads my blog, but I feel the need to clarify, so you all can know and if you ever hear anyone say such a thing, you can quickly and gently correct them.

We are not "buying our baby."
No one is "selling our baby."

This was said to me yesterday by a well-meaning individual trying to explain away the exhaustive wait that we are in for. I gently and passively tried to correct the error. I wish it would have happened today after I've read up even more on our orphanage director via other families' blogs. Here's what I've read:

Our director has had his life threatened at times and been thrown in the slammer for no legal reason except he's at the mercy of lawless individuals in the place of authority who wanted him to participate in such bribery situations. He refuses. He REFUSES.

I am confident that our adoption, upon completion, will have been handled in the most professional, non-fraudulent manner possible. There is an understanding that if you were to travel down that road of bribery, it would be that much harder for other families, not to mention that our director is a Christian. He holds himself to the standard that GOD gives, not man.

I've also been told that if there's someone I want fighting for our adoption in Haiti, it's our director and his staff.

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Now, that being said, it doesn't change the emotions and challenges of the wait. I've been concerned that maybe people think I'm a bit too emotional, I haven't waited that long, etc. and so on. But see, that's the thing about Haitian adoption. It's absolutely awful...the wait that we are in for. You commit, and gradually the curtain is pulled back a little bit more and each reveal shows more of the same. It's really, really dawned on me over the past few weeks that the only way Joshua will get home at all will be God. God. God. Each day that passes brings us closer to his 2nd birthday...except we're stuck in the first stage. No progress in a mountain of progress that needs to be made.

Now, knowing all of that and still having a patient, godly attitude. Oh my. It's a challenge beyond anything I thought I was capable of. I'm totally unable, but by God's grace. There's a constant battle within me to pray with hope, never ceasing, and yet laying it all down, giving it to God, not letting it become my idol, not worrying, controlling my utter feelings of rage or helplessness. I admit to having asked God just this week, why us? What did we choose this for? If we had known it would be so difficult, would we? Where's the fruit? I'm not a strong enough Christian for this....and the talk goes back and forth. And if I really let it go back and forth instead of me doing all of the talking, here's what comes back at me, ever so gently and yet firm:

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand and marked off the heavens with a span, enclosed the dust of the earth in a measure and weighed the mountains in scales and the hills in a balance? Who has measured the Spirit of the Lord, or what man shows him his counsel? Whom did he consult and who made him understand? Who taught him the path of justice, and taught him knowledge, and showed him the way of understanding? Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, and are accounted as the dust on the scales; behold he takes up the coastlands like fine dust.....

Isaiah 40....just a portion. The entire chapter is very convicting and comforting.

Isn't it amazing how we spend way too much time talking back and not enough time listening? He knows just what to do, in His Time. He knows the reason why we're to wait. I can't teach God justice! He created it! We cast ourselves into the arms of a God who sent His son because He loved us that much. I'm grabbing hold of the promise that He'll renew our strength, daily, and minute by minute should the need be. He'll carry us like lambs and gently lead those that are with young. Praise God!

Just some thoughts. I hope it wasn't too heavy, and maybe even an encouragement for you today. Also, if you are praying in our behalf, pray on! We need warriors to storm the gates, and it's such a comfort to know that His people are praying on our behalf. God bless!