How This Feels...

We received a "pre" referral yesterday.


Yeah. That's kind of what I'm thinking. Where are the bells and whistles, and shouts and jump up and downs and wows??? Where's the emphatic, "Yes, we'll take him" and "Oh he's so cute!" and "Thank GOD he's healthy?"

Well, sometimes things don't go exactly as planned. I for one, had ignored the phone call from the agency. It had been three weeks since I had been in constant communication with them, I had looked down, saw the number, and even though I recognized it, I didn't recognize it. So, I hit the silent button and continued on with my conversation.

Later I listened to my messages and I realized that it was from my adoption cordinator. Still, no clue. Something about our power of attorney, for me to call back asap, and she left her cell number. Ok.

I call and she goes right into the fact that we have a possible referral. My jaw drops, I ask if she's serious, and then I'm pretty silent from there. It's not a "for sure" thing. The labs are not back yet. They will not send pictures unless the labs come back healthy.

So....more silence. They want us to name him. He's had no name. They want to begin calling him what we plan on calling him, so that's why all of this is so awkward. He's nameless. They want to begin the paperwork, etc...but he needs a name. Oh, ok.

So, I hang up and sit there a minute. This doesn't feel anything like I thought it would. I call Steve. Tell him. And that's when the flood came.

My sweet husband along with many sweet friends have encouraged me to enjoy it, be happy, trust God in all of everything, even the lab reports, and people are praying. I just want to see him. I want to get the official word that he's beginning this journey with us.

God's in this journey in so many ways. We can trace His handiwork even now. I think my emotions are just those that really, really, really want to SEE him. To fall in love with Him. To know what he looks like. One of my dear friends knew I was struggling with that and she began to describe him. LOL "He has curly hair, maybe shaved, maybe a fro.....he has big brown eyes...." Hopefully, this part of the waiting will be over soon and I'll know.

For now, we're praying for a 10 month old baby boy that God gave us an opportunity to name, a world away, hours from the Florida border.

His name means "God rescues" and we're going to cling to this promise as we take each step along the way. His name will be a reminder to us as we journey. What an opportunity, even though it leads to other agonizing feelings, to name our baby boy! What a privilege. They want to call him by the name we give him straight out of the gate. I'm thankful for that.

So, Steve insists on taking me out last night to celebrate. It was late, my house a wreck, but we went out. Let me tell you what God did for us. He sat us in a cozy corner in The Olive Garden, right next to a family we didn't know, but they were holding a baby boy. He was from Guatemala. I was just sure of it. So, I stared. And stared. I finally talked Steve into saying something, and they were all very nice about it. We told them why we were even at The Olive Garden, and they were very encouraging. Their baby was 11 month old. I noticed some people behind them turned and looked but I didn't notice who. Later they rose to go, and said hello to the adoptive couple and they mentioned their neice, "J" had just arrived not too long ago. As soon as I heard that, my head popped up. It was our friend's sister! Our friend had just adopted from Guatemala. So, our night of celebrating included adoption :~) Wasn't that cool?

So, that's what's going on around here. A lot of wondering what this little fella looks like. And asking God to please, please, please rescue him and place him in our arms,