Throw the clocks away.
One of my favorite parts of Aaron Ivey's song, "Amos Story" that he wrote regarding the adoption of his two little ones from Haiti. I love that song. Go download it. Best 99 cents I've spent in a while, and you'll sneak a peak into our hearts.
Throw the clocks away.
That's where I am right now. I'm so excited about our trip. I'm so busy. I've got so much going on. And yet. yet. yet. Something's just not cool. At all. These clocks. Even if we threw them away, they would keep on ticking. Tick, tick, tick.
September is drawing nigh. October is on it's way. When you wait for something soooo long, the months grow shorter and shorter. I hesitantly put out my fall decorations this year. I am SUCH a fall person, too! I'm usually so excited. But now, not so much. Another season. Without him here. The 8th season change since we started this journey. The 5th season change since we saw his face. Oh, that sounds so unbearable!
Why, why, why does it have to take so long? My heart longs for my son today. In a way that has become so deep that I can bearly trudge through it myself. So, I try to sweep it away. It's somewhere inside. And sometimes, it bubbles up when I least expect it.
I'm trudging along trying to "take content, what He hath sent.." and sometimes, it's easier than other times.
I am uncommonly peaceful about our upcoming trip. Peace just came over me like crazy for that one. People are praying for us. Sometimes, I just know people are praying and I feel palpably the prayers of the saints. And even as I trudge through the muck of my emotions as I wait, I know that even those are for my good, brought about by a loving God. He knows what He's doing. He doesn't have to throw the clock away. He is not inhibited by time. And if He has no inhibitions, than He can surely handle it all.
But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day. II Peter 3:8
But a thousand years feels like a million to me. I'm so finite. So human. Deal gently with me God. Have mercy. Please.
3 comments:
I remember it well. You're going along. Everything seems okay. Then bam! The tears and the aching arms. What was once enjoyable becomes joyless. Ugh. It is miserable. And all I can say, really, is that one day you'll look back on it and wonder why you were sooo upset. You will see how beautifully God used the time- in you, in your son, and probably in the rest of your family. I know that's hard to hear. I always hated hearing stuff like that when I was in pain, and I hope I'm not upsetting you. I just want to give you hope. I surely pray He'll open His hand to you today and envelope you in peace. And I pray for a sprinkle of joy-glitter on top of that.
I can relate! I leave in a little over a week and still have not begun packing and preparing like last time. I am excited but something is holding me back. It will all work out as God means it to ... praying for a MIRACLE for us both.
Oh, I remember and it pains me to. I hope your visit is wonderful and somehow your wait comes to an end soon. Hugs.
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