Deep Thought For The Week

So, I was pondering today my current feelings about our adoption. So many thoughts and bringing them together is quite the task. It's such a huge undertaking to adopt! Here's the thought that came to the surface:

I was thinking this morning on my baby boy and what lesson our Father has in store for us within the process of bringing him home. Now, everyone under the sun must realize that there are a multitude of lessons to be learned. Lots of refining that takes place. However, I'm already experiencing a lesson that I didn't expect.

I'm a type A, control freak, gotta be on top of things, personality. At least I was. I seem to be evolving. But, the truth is, I normally can't stand to NOT be in control of something. Thankfully, I can see growth in my life over the past few years. If I didn't, that would be BAD. But, I still struggle with what's to come, in regard to my family, my circumstances, my health. I want to know and I want to control. Isn't that ridiculous? What a ridiculous thing to confess.

I've had to confess this prideful behavior (as if I know best) several times to God. He's so patient. So, today, it dawned on me that the fact that I can't control anything in Haiti, or anything to do with our process, or what Joshua wears, eats, is medically treated for, etc. and so on....it's not bothering me as much as I thought it would. Isn't that bizarre?

It's as if I know there's NOTHING I can do about it, so it just is. I pray, pray, pray for him. But I know that he's in the Lord's hands, who cares for him much more than ever I could. I can't do anything for him at all. There's no "letting go and letting God." I never had anything to let go of to begin with. It's always been God.

THEN, it dawned on me, that the so-called "control" that I feel I have here at home is all a self made "illusion." I just need to treat everything else in my life the way I'm treating my Haiti circumstances. God is truly in control. I shouldn't waste precious time fretting. Any time I feel the urge to fret, I need to just pray.

Now, let me be clear. I'm not saying I'll never worry or fret over Joshua. It's just that there's an uncanny, very not normal for me, sort of peace that's permeating into my heart. I trust God with my soul....I need to trust Him with my son.

Thankful for Grace,